The People's Dictionary of: People Sighted on a Nude Beach

To celebrate my birthday, MyMan and I went to the beach: Zipolite, in the state of Oaxaca on the west coast of Mexico. We stayed in a cabin at El Alquimista, a beautifully simple resort made up of mosquito nets and breeze instead of that bleach smell you encounter when you enter a hotel room. We fell asleep to the sound of the waves hitting the beach. It was wonderful.

From the porch of the cabin

The beach itself was just what I wanted… fine sand, not too many people, not too many scary waves. It was the perfect place to lay out in the sun and relax.
If you are into public nudity, anyway.
Yep, that's right. Zipolite is the only nude beach in Mexico.

It wasn't as awkward as you might think.
But it was still pretty awkward.

Here is a guide to several, hmm… let's call them, "situations," that we encountered during our stay in Zipolite.

Author's Note:
The level of awkwardness is measured from
1 (a glance, and a shrug of the shoulders as if to say, "eh") to
10 (I WOULD REALLY LOVE TO LOOK AWAY BUT THIS IS JUST SO WEIRD THAT I FIND MYSELF MESMERIZED BY THE SIGHT AHHHH KEEP WALKING KEEP WALKING KEEP WALKING)

So, without further ado:

The People's Dictionary of: People Sighted on a Nude Beach

first timers [furst tie mers]
clothed people who point and giggle at nude beach-goers (when they are not looking, of course)
level of awkwardness: 4
level of awkwardness for the nude beach-goers: 10

liberally conservative girlfriend [li bru lee kuhn sur vuh tiv gurl frend]
female who chooses to stay clothed, yet seems comfortable with her partner going nude
level of awkwardness: 5

liberally conservative boyfriend [li bru lee kuhn sur vuh tiv boi frend]
male who chooses to stay clothed, yet seems comfortable with his partner going nude
level of awkwardness: 5

nude baby [noo d bey bee]
nude baby
level of awkwardness: 0
level of awkwardness when nude baby pees and poops in her highchair at the beach-side restaurant: 9

nude couple [noo d kuh puhl]
two nude people who engage in some sort of public displays of affection, i.e. holding hands, kissing, cuddling in a hammock together
level of awkwardness: 6

nude family [noo d fam lee]
two nude parents and their nude offspring
level of awkwardness: 9

nude forever alone [noo d for ev er uh lone]
nude person who sits all alone. You never see them go into the water. They just sit. Alone. Nude.
level of awkwardness: 8

nude jamboree [noo d jam buh ree]
nude group of friends or family
level of awkwardness: 6

nude pot smoker's jamboree [noo d pot smoh kerz jam buh ree]
nude group of friends or family, smoking pot together
level of awkwardness: 2

nude newbies [noo d noo bees]
nude people who are extremely pale in certain areas. I am sure the certain areas are self explanatory.
level of awkwardness: 7

nude professionals [noo d pro fesh in uhls]
nude people who are tan everywhere
level of awkwardness: 3

nude retirees [noo d ri tire eez ]
nude people over the age of (roughly) 65
level of awkwardness: 10

Despite our primary discomfort… there is something amazing about all types of people being together, free, and beautiful.
We will be back.